The Cheat Code: A Guide to Getting Away with Infidelity
This provocative manual explores practical strategies cheaters use to avoid detection. Written in simple English, this guide provides step-by-step techniques and real-world examples to help navigate the complexities of secret relationships.
Checklist and Point-Form Guide
1. Managing Communication
- Use Secure Messaging Apps:
- Apps like Signal or Telegram offer encrypted messaging and self-destructing texts.
- Example: Send private messages that disappear after being read.
- Disable Notifications:
- Turn off message previews to prevent accidental exposure.
- Example: Ensure text alerts don’t display sender names or content on your lock screen.
- Use a Secondary Device:
- Purchase a prepaid phone solely for secret communication.
- Example: Keep this phone off and hidden when not in use.
- Clear Call Logs Regularly:
- Delete call history after each conversation.
- Example: Make this a daily habit to avoid oversight.
- Use Disposable Email Addresses:
- Create an email account exclusively for secret communication.
- Example: Use an alias like “john.doe.secret@gmail.com” to keep accounts separate.
- Restrict Contact Times:
- Limit conversations to times your partner expects you to be busy.
- Example: Use work hours or gym time to communicate.
- Avoid Shared Devices:
- Do not log into personal accounts on shared computers or tablets.
- Example: Use only your private devices for sensitive communication.
- Use Code Words:
- Establish code words or phrases to discuss sensitive topics.
- Example: Refer to meetings as “work calls” or “team sessions.”
- Block Tracking Apps:
- Disable apps like “Find My Phone” that can reveal your location.
- Example: Turn off location sharing before going to a private meeting.
- Regularly Change Passwords:
- Update passwords on secret accounts to prevent unauthorized access.
- Example: Use strong, unique passwords like “T0t@l$3cret123!”
2. Concealing Digital Evidence
- Browse in Incognito Mode:
- Use private browsing to avoid leaving a history of visits to dating apps or chat platforms.
- Example: Ensure no suspicious websites appear in browser history.
- Delete Photos and Videos:
- Regularly clear any incriminating media from your gallery.
- Example: Use apps that permanently delete files from your phone.
- Store Media Securely:
- Use hidden vault apps disguised as utilities like calculators.
- Example: Save sensitive pictures in a vault app with a secondary password.
- Encrypt Files:
- Use encryption tools to secure sensitive data.
- Example: Encrypt folders containing sensitive documents.
- Clear App Histories:
- Remove conversation and search histories from messaging apps.
- Example: Delete chat logs after every conversation.
- Use Burner Accounts:
- Create temporary accounts for one-time use.
- Example: Use a throwaway email address to sign up for dating sites.
- Install Anti-Spyware Software:
- Protect your devices from being monitored.
- Example: Run regular scans for spyware installed by a suspicious partner.
- Regularly Update Devices:
- Keep phones and laptops updated to protect against vulnerabilities.
- Example: Install the latest security patches for apps and OS.
- Disable Cloud Sync:
- Prevent media or conversations from syncing to shared accounts.
- Example: Turn off automatic uploads to Google Photos or iCloud.
- Use Separate Devices for Secret Activities:
- Keep secret activities confined to a device not linked to shared accounts.
- Example: Use a tablet or second phone exclusively for private communication.
3. Alibi Creation and Maintenance
- Develop a Believable Backstory:
- Create a consistent narrative for your absences.
- Example: Claim you’ve joined a new fitness class or work group.
- Use Real Activities as a Cover:
- Incorporate genuine hobbies or routines into your alibi.
- Example: Attend real events and use them as part of your story.
- Enlist Trusted Friends:
- Use friends who can vouch for your whereabouts if questioned.
- Example: “Chris and I went to the game last night.”
- Keep Supporting Props:
- Carry items that reinforce your story.
- Example: Have gym bags or work-related materials ready.
- Create Digital Evidence:
- Use fake receipts or GPS check-ins to support your claims.
- Example: Post a geotagged photo of a coffee shop.
- Avoid Overexplaining:
- Keep alibis simple to avoid inconsistencies.
- Example: “I stayed late at work finishing a report.”
- Spread Out Excuses:
- Avoid repeating the same alibi too often.
- Example: Alternate between work events and social outings.
- Use Shared Events as Cover:
- Piggyback on real group activities to blend in.
- Example: Use office parties or team lunches as an excuse.
- Maintain Consistency Across Platforms:
- Ensure your social media aligns with your alibi.
- Example: Don’t post conflicting activities on Instagram.
- Practice Your Story:
- Rehearse alibis to deliver them confidently and naturally.
- Example: Mirror practice until your explanation sounds casual.
4. Social Media Management
- Adjust Privacy Settings:
- Limit who can see your posts and activity.
- Example: Use “close friends” settings on Instagram.
- Avoid Posting Frequently:
- Reduce visibility by posting less often.
- Example: Stick to generic updates like scenic photos.
- Be Wary of Tagging:
- Avoid being tagged in photos that can reveal your location.
- Example: Check tagged posts regularly and untag suspicious ones.
- Monitor Mutual Connections:
- Watch mutual friends’ posts for unintentional exposure.
- Example: Ensure no one posts about seeing you with an affair partner.
- Create a Secondary Profile:
- Use a private, separate account for certain interactions.
- Example: Have a personal Instagram visible only to trusted individuals.
- Use Neutral Captions:
- Keep captions vague to avoid specific associations.
- Example: “Busy day ahead!” instead of mentioning activities.
- Avoid Liking or Commenting:
- Limit interactions with the affair partner’s posts.
- Example: Never like or comment on their photos.
- Control Check-ins:
- Avoid sharing your location online.
- Example: Turn off Facebook or Snapchat location features.
- Regularly Review Old Posts:
- Delete or archive any posts that could create inconsistencies.
- Example: Remove photos that contradict your current alibi.
- Be Careful with Stories:
- Avoid posting real-time updates that reveal your actual location.
- Example: Post a generic throwback photo instead.
5. Handling Confrontations
- Stay Calm Under Pressure:
- Maintain a composed demeanor if questioned.
- Example: “I didn’t realize it looked that way, but here’s what happened.”
- Redirect the Conversation:
- Shift focus to unrelated topics.
- Example: “How was your day? You seemed busy earlier.”
- Use Humor:
- Lighten the mood with jokes.
- Example: “You’ve been watching too many detective shows!”
- Acknowledge Minor Errors:
- Admit small mistakes to appear transparent.
- Example: “Oh, I forgot to mention I met an old friend.”
- Stick to Your Story:
- Don’t change details under pressure.
- Example: Repeat your alibi with confidence.
- Be Empathetic:
- Validate your partner’s feelings without admitting guilt.
- Example: “I understand why you’re worried, but there’s nothing going on.”
- Deflect Suspicion:
- Ask why they feel uneasy to shift the focus.
- Example: “Is something making you feel insecure lately?”
- Use Props as Evidence:
- Show receipts or messages supporting your claims.
- Example: “Here’s the receipt from the meeting I mentioned.”
- Delay the Conversation:
- Suggest discussing it later to buy time.
- Example: “Let’s talk about this after dinner; I want to focus on us now.”
- Involve a Neutral Party:
- Bring in a trusted friend to support your explanation if necessary.
- Example: “Chris can confirm we were at the game together.”
6. Physical Evidence Management
- Dispose of Receipts Immediately:
- Shred or discard receipts related to gifts, dinners, or hotels as soon as possible.
- Example: Use a public trash bin far from home.
- Use Hidden Compartments:
- Store sensitive items like notes or jewelry in concealed places.
- Example: Keep items in hollowed-out books or unused boxes.
- Avoid Overlapping Items:
- Do not let shared belongings (like cars or desks) contain personal evidence.
- Example: Remove receipts or wrappers from shared spaces immediately.
- Rotate Hiding Spots:
- Frequently change where you store physical evidence to avoid patterns.
- Example: Move items between locations like the office and a gym locker.
- Store Items Off-Site:
- Keep incriminating materials at a trusted friend’s house or storage unit.
- Example: Rent a small storage locker for personal use.
- Maintain Neutral Scents:
- Avoid introducing unfamiliar scents on clothing or belongings.
- Example: Use the same cologne or perfume as usual after a meeting.
- Dispose of Packaging:
- Eliminate tags, boxes, or wrapping paper from purchased gifts.
- Example: Discard packaging in public trash bins or shred them at work.
- Conduct Regular Checks:
- Periodically review personal spaces for overlooked evidence.
- Example: Search jacket pockets or bags weekly.
- Neutralize Clothing Evidence:
- Wash clothes promptly to remove unfamiliar scents or stains.
- Example: Use the same detergent to avoid noticeable changes.
- Keep Props Consistent:
- Only carry items that align with your usual activities.
- Example: Use a generic gym bag to avoid drawing attention.
7. Psychological Tactics
- Gaslighting:
- Convince your partner their suspicions are unfounded or exaggerated.
- Example: Say, “You’re overthinking things again.”
- Redirect Questions:
- Shift the focus to unrelated issues to deflect suspicion.
- Example: “Why are you suddenly so concerned about this?”
- Feign Outrage:
- Act offended by accusations to make your partner question their doubts.
- Example: “I can’t believe you don’t trust me after everything I’ve done!”
- Appeal to Emotions:
- Use emotional vulnerability to divert attention.
- Example: “I’ve been feeling so stressed at work; I need your support.”
- Maintain Routine Affection:
- Show consistent affection to avoid noticeable behavior changes.
- Example: Continue daily habits like morning kisses or evening texts.
- Overcompensate in Small Ways:
- Offer small gifts or favors to reinforce trust.
- Example: Surprise your partner with their favorite dessert unexpectedly.
- Plant Distractions:
- Bring up unrelated but engaging topics during sensitive moments.
- Example: “Did you hear about our neighbor’s new car?”
- Create Trust Moments:
- Share harmless secrets to build confidence.
- Example: Reveal a small workplace issue to appear transparent.
- Anticipate Concerns:
- Address potential questions before they arise.
- Example: “I’ll be late tonight because of a client dinner.”
- Avoid Suspicious Guilt Signs:
- Remain calm and natural even during stressful conversations.
- Example: Practice deep breathing to stay composed.
8. Advanced Technology Use
- Encrypt Personal Files:
- Use encryption software to secure digital files and messages.
- Example: Protect folders with sensitive content using tools like VeraCrypt.
- Disable Auto-Sync:
- Prevent syncing of photos or chats to shared cloud accounts.
- Example: Turn off automatic backups for apps like WhatsApp.
- Use Private Network Connections:
- Use VPNs to mask online activity and prevent tracking.
- Example: Connect through a secure VPN when accessing sensitive sites.
- Utilize Burner Phones:
- Use prepaid or disposable phones for secret communications.
- Example: Keep the device powered off when not in use.
- Scrub Metadata:
- Remove location and device data from shared photos or files.
- Example: Use tools like ExifCleaner to erase photo metadata.
- Block Unauthorized Access:
- Secure devices with biometric locks or complex passwords.
- Example: Use facial recognition on secondary devices.
- Scan for Spyware:
- Routinely check for monitoring apps installed on your phone.
- Example: Run anti-spyware tools like Malwarebytes.
- Use Disguised Apps:
- Store sensitive content in apps disguised as utilities like calculators.
- Example: Save private photos in apps with a hidden mode.
- Manage Search Histories:
- Clear search history and cookies after sensitive online activity.
- Example: Delete browsing data after each session in Chrome.
- Automate Self-Destruction:
- Use apps that delete messages automatically after being read.
- Example: Set conversations to expire on apps like Telegram.
9. Relationship Balancing Tactics
- Prioritize Your Primary Partner:
- Spend quality time with your primary partner to avoid neglect.
- Example: Plan regular date nights or shared activities.
- Maintain Emotional Consistency:
- Avoid sudden changes in affection or attention levels.
- Example: Continue sending morning texts as usual.
- Show Transparency:
- Proactively share mundane details to appear open.
- Example: “I’ll grab groceries on the way back from work.”
- Create Plausible Excuses for Gaps:
- Fill in absences with realistic stories.
- Example: “I stayed late to help a coworker with their project.”
- Celebrate Key Dates:
- Never forget important dates like anniversaries or birthdays.
- Example: Plan a surprise dinner for your partner’s birthday.
- Engage in Shared Goals:
- Participate in long-term plans like vacations or savings.
- Example: Start planning a holiday trip together.
- Avoid Emotional Distance:
- Keep open communication to prevent suspicion.
- Example: Regularly ask about your partner’s day or feelings.
- Give Small Tokens of Affection:
- Reinforce your connection with thoughtful gestures.
- Example: Leave a handwritten note saying, “Thinking of you!”
- Use Routine to Build Trust:
- Stick to predictable habits and schedules.
- Example: Call your partner during lunch breaks as usual.
- Address Concerns Proactively:
- Reassure your partner if they express doubts.
- Example: “I understand why you’re worried, but there’s nothing going on.”
Additional Psychological Manipulation Techniques Cheaters Use
- Reframing the Narrative:
- Change the way events are perceived to redirect blame or minimize suspicion.
- Example: “I wasn’t ignoring you, I just needed some time to process my thoughts.”
- Love Bombing:
- Shower the partner with excessive affection to overshadow any doubts.
- Example: “You mean the world to me; I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
- Feigning Forgetfulness:
- Pretend to forget details to avoid answering direct questions.
- Example: “Oh, I totally forgot I mentioned that; it must have slipped my mind.”
- Playing the Victim:
- Portray themselves as the victim to deflect suspicion.
- Example: “It hurts that you don’t trust me after everything I’ve done for us.”
- Creating Diversions:
- Bring up unrelated topics to steer the conversation away from sensitive areas.
- Example: “Speaking of late nights, did you hear what happened to Sarah at work?”
- Exaggerating Loyalty:
- Reaffirm commitment to the relationship excessively to lower suspicion.
- Example: “I’d never do anything to hurt you; you’re my everything.”
- Preemptive Guilt Trips:
- Make the partner feel bad for questioning them.
- Example: “Do you really think so little of me to accuse me of something like that?”
- Downplaying Suspicious Behavior:
- Minimize the significance of actions that raise concerns.
- Example: “It’s just a work email, nothing important.”
- Leveraging Empathy:
- Use their partner’s empathy to avoid deeper scrutiny.
- Example: “I’ve been so stressed lately; I really need your understanding right now.”
- Implanting Doubts About Third Parties:
- Suggest that anyone who raises concerns has ulterior motives.
- Example: “Don’t listen to them; they’re just jealous of what we have.”
Feigning Confusion:
- Pretend not to understand the accusations to avoid direct confrontation.
- Example: “What are you even talking about? I’m completely lost here.”
Playing Busy:
- Always seem preoccupied to avoid detailed discussions.
- Example: “Can we talk about this later? I’ve got a ton of deadlines to meet right now.”
Overloading with Details:
- Provide excessive, irrelevant details to make their story seem more convincing.
- Example: “I stopped by the grocery store after work, and it was crazy busy. I even ran into an old friend, but I didn’t have much time to chat because I still needed to grab milk.”
Subtle Guilt Induction:
- Make the partner feel guilty for even suspecting them.
- Example: “I can’t believe you don’t trust me. Is this how you see me after all these years?”
Claiming the Moral High Ground:
- Present themselves as above suspicion by focusing on their “good deeds.”
- Example: “I’ve been working overtime to make sure we have everything we need, and this is how I’m repaid?”
Using Humor to Deflect:
- Laugh off accusations to make the situation seem less serious.
- Example: “Oh, now I’m James Bond with secret missions? That’s hilarious.”
Turning the Tables:
- Accuse the partner of being overly controlling or untrusting.
- Example: “Why are you always checking on me? Do you not trust me at all?”
Exaggerating Innocence:
- Dramatize how much the accusations hurt them to redirect focus.
- Example: “You have no idea how much it pains me that you’d think I’m capable of this.”
Strategic Forgetting:
- Claim to have forgotten plans or events that could expose them.
- Example: “I completely forgot I was supposed to call you last night—I must have lost track of time.”
Token Transparency:
- Share a small, insignificant secret to appear honest while hiding the bigger truth.
- Example: “I’ve been sneaking chocolates from the stash at work—I didn’t want to admit it!”
Appealing to Logic:
- Insist that their partner’s suspicions don’t make sense.
- Example: “Why would I risk everything we have for something so stupid?”
Creating Emotional Diversions:
- Start an unrelated argument to derail the conversation.
- Example: “Why are we even talking about this? You didn’t even mention how stressed I’ve been lately.”
Selective Listening:
- Focus on less critical aspects of the conversation to avoid answering the main question.
- Example: “You’re upset because I was late? Let’s talk about that instead of going into wild accusations.”
Appealing to the Partner’s Trust History:
- Reference past trust to minimize current suspicions.
- Example: “You’ve always trusted me before—what’s changed now?”
Leveraging Third-Party Disapproval:
- Suggest that doubting them would look bad to others.
- Example: “Imagine what your family would think if they knew you were accusing me like this.”
Blaming External Stress:
- Attribute any suspicious behavior to external pressures like work or personal issues.
- Example: “I’ve been so overwhelmed at work lately; maybe I’ve been distant, but that’s all it is.”
Using Emotional Displays:
- Cry or show visible upset to make the partner back off.
- Example: “I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation—it’s tearing me apart!”
Feigning Selflessness:
- Highlight sacrifices they’ve made to distract from their actions.
- Example: “I’ve been working so hard to make things better for us, and you think I’m lying to you?”
Avoidance Through Humor or Sarcasm:
- Use jokes or sarcasm to make the accusations seem absurd.
- Example: “Sure, I’m leading a double life in my spare time. That’s totally realistic.”
Claiming Miscommunication:
- Blame any inconsistencies on misunderstandings.
- Example: “You must have misheard me earlier. That’s not what I meant at all.”
This guide offers practical, real-world advice for managing the complexities of infidelity while minimizing risks. Use these strategies responsibly.