Before You Say I Do: 70 Relationship Tests to Avoid a Heartbreaking Marriage.

• Focus: A guide that includes practical “relationship tests” to evaluate compatibility before committing to marriage (e.g., communication habits, financial honesty).
• Why It Works: Many people jump into long-term commitments without knowing their partner fully, making this book highly relevant.

Before You Say I Do: 50 Relationship Tests to Avoid a Heartbreaking Marriage

Introduction

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires trust, understanding, and compatibility. This checklist offers 50 practical relationship tests to help you evaluate your relationship before saying “I do.”

1. Communication Habits

1. Daily Check-In: Spend 15 minutes each day discussing your highs and lows.
2. Weekend Technology-Free Conversation: Schedule a 2-hour tech-free talk to practice active listening.
3. Difficult Topic Discussion: Choose a sensitive topic (e.g., finances or family dynamics) and see how your partner responds.
4. Problem-Solving Exercise: Work together to solve a small household problem (e.g., organizing a room).
5. Silent Treatment Challenge: Reflect on how both of you handle silent moments during disagreements.
6. Future Plans Talk: Discuss where you see yourselves in five years.
7. Misunderstanding Resolution: Role-play a common misunderstanding and attempt to resolve it respectfully.
8. Public Speaking Observation: Note how your partner communicates with strangers or service staff.
9. Text vs. In-Person: Compare how your partner communicates via text versus in person.
10. Listening Game: Take turns summarizing each other’s points during discussions to confirm understanding.

2. Financial Honesty and Stability

1. Monthly Budgeting Exercise: Create a sample monthly budget and see how you both approach spending.
2. Credit History Transparency: Share credit scores and debt situations openly.
3. Savings Challenge: Set a financial goal (e.g., save $200 together) and track your progress.
4. Financial Priorities Discussion: Discuss what each of you considers a financial “necessity” versus a “luxury.”
5. Unexpected Expense Drill: Simulate an unexpected expense and agree on how to handle it.
6. Career Stability Talk: Share your career plans and ambitions.
7. Spending Habits Observation: Track each other’s daily purchases and discuss your spending patterns.
8. Financial Role Swap: Role-play as each other’s financial manager for a week.
9. Vacation Budgeting: Plan a short trip with a strict budget and note how you both adapt.
10. Gift-Giving Habits: Reflect on how each of you approaches giving and receiving gifts.

3. Conflict Resolution

1. Agree to Disagree: Discuss a topic where you have differing views and try to reach mutual respect.
2. Timed Argument Resolution: Choose a minor disagreement and set a 10-minute timer to resolve it calmly.
3. Pause and Reflect Exercise: Practice pausing for a few minutes during a heated argument.
4. Compromise Test: Work together to choose a movie or restaurant where neither gets their first choice.
5. Conflict Analysis: Reflect on a past argument and discuss how you could improve next time.
6. Forgiveness Discussion: Share what forgiveness means to you and how long it takes for you to move on.
7. Apology Language: Learn and discuss your “apology languages” (similar to love languages).
8. Third-Party Role-Play: Pretend you’re a mediator resolving a friend’s issue and note how well you problem-solve.
9. Follow-Up Exercise: After resolving a conflict, revisit it a week later to evaluate long-term resolution.
10. Post-Conflict Affection: Observe how long it takes for your emotional connection to bounce back.

4. Long-Term Goals and Values

1. Bucket List Comparison: Share your top 10 life goals and compare your lists.
2. Family Planning Talk: Discuss your views on having children and parenting styles.
3. Retirement Dream Exercise: Imagine your ideal retirement and share your visions.
4. Work-Life Balance Plans: Discuss how you’d balance work and family life.
5. Educational Aspirations: Talk about your views on continuing education or self-improvement.
6. Legacy Discussion: Share what you want to be remembered for.
7. Dealbreaker Identification: List your non-negotiables and ask your partner to do the same.
8. Religion and Beliefs: Discuss how your beliefs align or differ.
9. Five-Year Vision Board: Create a shared vision board of your five-year goals.
10. Community Involvement: Discuss your views on charitable giving and volunteering.

5. Family and Lifestyle Compatibility

1. Family Gathering Test: Attend a family event and observe how your partner interacts with relatives.
2. Cultural Traditions: Share and experience each other’s cultural traditions.
3. Holiday Planning: Plan how you’d spend holidays with family and each other.
4. Chores Division: Split household chores for a month and evaluate how it works.
5. Pet Preference Talk: Discuss your views on having pets.
6. Living Together Simulation: If possible, spend an extended period living together or share daily responsibilities.
7. Family Conflict Discussion: Share how each of your families handle conflict.
8. In-Law Boundaries: Discuss boundaries for in-laws and extended family.
9. Friend Group Interaction: Observe how your partner fits into your circle of friends.
10. Lifestyle Preferences: Share your daily routines and see how compatible they are.

6. Emotional and Physical Intimacy

1. Affection Habits: Observe how your partner shows affection publicly and privately.
2. Love Language Exercise: Identify and share your love languages.
3. Personal Space Test: Discuss and respect each other’s need for alone time.
4. Trust Exercise: Share a secret and observe how your partner handles it.
5. Comfort Zone Test: Support each other in trying something new outside your comfort zones.
6. Physical Intimacy Expectations: Discuss your expectations for physical intimacy.
7. Emotional Validation Practice: Practice validating each other’s feelings during emotional conversations.
8. Support During Stress: Note how your partner provides support during stressful times.
9. Daily Affection Goal: Set a goal to express affection daily in a meaningful way.
10. Reconnection Rituals: Create rituals (e.g., morning hugs or date nights) to stay emotionally connected.

Quick Reference: 10 Critical Relationship Tests

1. Discuss long-term financial goals and transparency.
2. Simulate handling an unexpected financial emergency.
3. Plan and budget a short trip to test decision-making.
4. Share your top life goals and evaluate alignment.
5. Discuss family traditions and holiday plans.
6. Identify and respect each other’s love languages.
7. Role-play resolving a small disagreement.
8. Participate in each other’s friend and family gatherings.
9. Address sensitive topics like children and religion.
10. Spend an extended period together simulating cohabitation.

Pre-Marriage Compatibility Quiz

[Answer each question on a scale of 1 (Disagree) to 5 (Strongly Agree)]:

1. We can discuss difficult topics without arguments.
2. We have transparency about finances.
3. Our life goals align for the future.
4. We can handle disagreements respectfully.
5. We support each other during stressful times.
6. We agree on family planning and parenting styles.
7. We respect each other’s need for space and independence.
8. We have compatible views on work-life balance.
9. We show affection and validate each other’s feelings.
10. We have fun together and share meaningful experiences.

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Printable Cheat Sheet: Key Compatibility Tests

1. Financial transparency and budgeting.
2. Conflict resolution and communication.
3. Shared long-term goals.
4. Family compatibility.
5. Emotional and physical intimacy.
6. Support during stressful situations.
7. Lifestyle and daily routine alignment.
8. Transparency on dealbreakers.
9. Plans for major life decisions (e.g., children).
10. Respect for boundaries and traditions.

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